Naming the Spawn

My advice? Keep it to yourself. This is directed at both the parents-to-be, as well as those of you who are entrusted enough to hear the potential names of the unborn. For instance, if someone tells you that they are going to name the baby Conan (sorry O'Brien, but I think that's one reason why your show got the axe), maybe say, "An uncommon name.. how nice!" instead of, "Oh my god, are you crazy? That poor kid is going to be called 'The Barbarian' his entire life!" If someone ASKS YOU, then that's different.

Future sleep-deprived woman: "What do you think of the name 'Ada' for a girl?"

Acceptable: "Well, your last name is Frey. It sounds like 'Ate a Fry'. You OK with that?"

Unacceptable: "Well just hope that she doesn't marry a guy whose last name is Weiner." (Keep in mind that I am screening some adult content, but insert any obscene word in there to up the funniness. Use your discretion.)

People's feelings get hurt. So really, don't offer advice and even if asked, proceed with caution. You can always do the reponsibility transfer. If you have legitimate concerns, you can tell the unborn's aunt or uncle that you have concerns about the name that has been picked. Just make sure they don't go the parent-to-be and spill the truth that it came from you.

But really, if the parents-to-be would just keep it to themselves, that really would be a big favour to the rest of society. That way, how will we hurt your feelings if we don't even know what's going on? And hating the name once the kid is born is right up there with being a serial killer, so no one would have the audacity to even go there.

For some reason, people like to try and pick at you to hear the names that you have picked out, only to then criticize it. If you are easily offended, and you are telling people your potential baby names, you are asking for trouble.

And for potential name-stealing?? Keep your mouth shut! Don't tell people your bebe names at ALL if you are concerned that someone else is going to have the same name. OK this isn't a funny entry. It's really just become more of a rant. You know that Seinfeld episode where George's friends steal his baby name and they name their baby "Seven"? In this instance, and every other possible scenario in life, strive to never be like George.